Sexual Pleasure = Health Equity

Evolution specialists believe that the female orgasm was once required for releasing the egg into the uterus through stimulation, called induced ovulation. There are other mammals, rabbits and cats, that reproduce this way. Our female bodies evolved and now ovulation occurs without stimulation, so orgasm is more for sexual pleasure today.

It’s important for females, women, transmen and non-binary AFABs to experience orgasm because it’s essential to our health. Up to a little over a century ago medical professionals considered the female orgasm a curative treatment, and doctors would treat women with genital stimulation to induce what they called “hysterical paroxysm.” Doctors knew that after men ejaculated they relaxed and felt better, and they saw the ‘hysteria’ women experienced as a buildup of fluid in the uterus, so it stood to reason that women would have an equal sense of release and relaxation with clitoral stimulation.

The clitoris is analogous to the glans of the penis, both with 10,000-15,000 highly sensitive nerve endings. This treatment was deployed when women were restless, irritable, had fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, insomnia, loss of appetite for food, lack of sexual interest, or were merely “causing trouble.” You can imagine how busy some doctor’s fingers were! This led to the invention of the vibrator to assist doctors in treating ‘hysteria.’ Can you imagine calling your provider today, or better yet your spouse calling your provider, and asking them to come and digitally stimulate you to orgasm because you’re not well? I would have had chronic hysterics. That’s customer service, am I right? There would probably be a lot more health-insurance claims if you could get that kind of in-network service today!

For females, the first vaginally receptive sexual experience is usually painful. That's because we have a hymen, and it has to stretch to accept the penis. There may be some bleeding involved, and it’s not a pleasurable experience. Many cultures teach women that their spouse’s pleasure is more important than their own, and 22-26% of females report never experiencing an orgasm. But there have been few good studies of the female orgasm — imagine that! — and a review of them leads to estimates that only 56-68% of females report having orgasms with sex.

Lesbians have far more orgasms than heterosexual females. Bisexual females report that if they are looking to connect with a partner for sex and want an orgasm, they will choose a female partner for that. Men and males report 95-98% orgasms with their sexual encounters. We deserve better, my sisters!

Even more distressing is that the National Sexual Violence Resource Center estimates that 81% of women have experienced sexual harassment, sexual assault or sexual violence in their lifetime. Is it too much to ask that we at least achieve a higher percentage of orgasms than unwanted sexual encounters? To me that doesn’t sound like an unreasonable request.

I am not saying males/men do not know how to do sex. My husband is quite skilled and considerate of my needs. Rather, it has to do with our anatomy, which makes it tricky to stimulate the clitoris with receptive vaginal sex. That is why foreplay, vibrators and better positioning other than the old missionary can help. Being on top and animal-style with your partner behind you offer more stimulation. I can also recommend more foreplay, caressing, touching and holding one another. If you have not experienced an orgasm, get a toy, often available through local retailers and where your prescriptions as well as online.

Males, helping your female partner achieve orgasms with sex will improve your sexual experience as well. In orgasm, blood rushes to the vulva and vaginal canal, where it becomes warmer, wetter, tighter and better for your penis. It can help strengthen your relationship, too.

As intricately and beautifully different we all are, we are so alike in our shared experiences. Society has never fostered unity among females, so it’s up to us to correct that. Part of that is being able to talk about sexual health without shame with one another and our providers. As a sexual-health educator I hear all the time from females, transmen and non-binary AFABs about the moralistic lecturing they often get when approaching providers about their sexual-health needs. I hope to help bring harmony and acceptance of female sexual pleasure and health, so we can rely on providers for healthy discussion devoid of personal prejudices, even if the old happy-ending house call is off the table.

This is Hedda Fay encouraging you to evaluate your sexual health. Have you experienced an orgasm today? Talk to your partner. If not, you can with yourself, and it is a healthy and natural part of your health equity. You deserve an orgasm today!