Sexual Assault, Abuse, Molestation = Violence

It’s estimated that every 68 seconds a person is the victim of sexual violence or abuse in the US. That comes to about 1,271 people every day. 

People respond differently to sexual assaulted/abuse and threatening situations. We’ve all heard of the fight-or-flight response, but there’s another that’s not mentioned enough: the freeze response, a very common response to stress and violence.

It’s a physiological response that begins in the amygdala, the part of our brain that senses danger and sends signals to our brainstem, which controls motor response. If the amygdala senses a threat that’s non-life-threatening, the freeze response can occur. This is a natural, neurobiological, unconscious response that our brain makes in processing fear.

Freezing during an assault does not mean that the person has not been sexually assaulted. Consider Harvey Weinstein: his defense team said that many victims froze and didn’t fight him off. The man weighed almost 400 pounds, and he was extremely powerful and influential. Thankfully he’s been removed from society for a long time.

Sexual assault comes in many forms and affects every group, class, gender, faith, orientation, ethnicity, profession, etc. It’s an equal opportunist, a horrible, life-altering, criminal act. These acts cause sexual, psychological and physiological harm to the victims. I am a survivor of sexual abuse/assault, I know the different facets of my life it affected, and the work, healing and enlightenment I needed to thrive after, a journey of healing I continue today. It’s survivable, and with work you can thrive after it. I have had friends and relatives who survived their sexual assaults only to die by suicide afterward. Sexual assault can kill, even after the assault.

Can someone always tell when they’ve been violated? What if you are out with friends, or on a date, and you wake up the next day not recalling what happened, because someone put a drug in your food, drink or vape that rendered you unconscious? Do you need to have physical signs of trauma to have been assaulted? Not always. These instances of predatory people rendering others unconscious so they can have their way happen more often than most people realize. If something like this has happened to you, you are the victim of a crime. Please get help and support — do not suffer alone in silence.

Sexual assault is defined as “illegal sexual contact that involves force upon a person without consent or is inflicted on a person who is incapable of giving consent (because of age or physical or mental capacity) or who places the assailant in a position of trust or authority.”

Here in Arizona we have strict laws and statutes that protect victims and society. Under Arizona statute a person convicted of violent sexual assault may receive a natural-life sentence. In my opinion this should be the standard for all sex crimes — child molestation, sexual assault, sexual conduct with a minor, possession of child pornography (not a victimless crime), continuous sexual abuse of a child, sexual extortion, bestiality, etc. Sadly, I don’t get to make the rules.

What happens if you are attacked from behind, or in your home, or have said no to someone and they force themselves on you, or you agree to kissing and cuddling and the person takes it further than you have agreed, or someone spikes your food, drink or vape and you wake up feeling violated, or your child is violated — what can you do?

Here in Yavapai County we also are fortunate to have the Yavapai Family Advocacy Center and the Verde Valley Sanctuary, where trained professionals offer advocacy, mental-health and forensic support. These agencies work with law enforcement to provide a full spectrum of victim-support services so you never have to be alone. Our local law-enforcement agencies have specially trained officers/detectives to respond to these crimes.

Not everyone is able to come forward when these crimes occur. There can be fear, victims may have been threatened, there could be a power disparity between the perpetrator and the victim. The agency Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) has a website, rainn.org, where you can find support and learn if your state has a statute of limitations on reporting and prosecuting sex crimes. Arizona has statutes of limitations based on the class of the felony or misdemeanor. For crimes involving minors/children, in our state the definition of a minor is anyone under the age of 18.

If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual violence, please get help. You are not alone. You are not to blame, it’s nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. You will survive this with help, support and nurturing, and that help is available. If you are in a situation where you cannot negotiate who you have sex with, because you are being forced or exploited, please get help.

The RAINN 24/7 line is 800-656-HOPE (4673). The Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence has resources too at 602-279-2900 or info@acesdv.org. YFAC: 928-775-0669; Verde Valley Sanctuary Help Line: 800-930-7233 or 928-645-2511.

This is Hedda Fay encouraging you to get support. If you’re suffering from a crime that happened to you years ago, there is therapy available to you today. There are groups and armies of people trained to provide you with help and guidance in navigating the healing journey. I’m sending love and support to everyone who has ever experienced sexual violence or assault: I believe you, and believe in you.

‍