As a woman in my fifties I know the importance of intimacy in my relationship. Intimacy is sex, yes, and more than sex. A recent study I read about showed 54% of men and 31% of women over age 70 report they are sexually active. Another by the Mayo clinic showed that seniors in their 80s and older enjoy expressing their sexuality, and that a healthy sex life is important as we age. Sex is a means of expression, improves overall physical health, and can help maintain and improve self-esteem.
Physical changes that happen as we age through menopause and andropause can impede our ability to express ourselves sexually with partners. This month let’s talk about ways to adapt to them.
For males, depending on health and hormone levels, some may experience erectile dysfunction, for myriad medical reasons, and a range of devices available through retailers and online can help achieve and maintain erections.
Penis pumps create vacuum around the penis, drawing blood into the tissue and facilitating an erection. A good companion for the penis pump is a constriction or tension ring, placed at the base of the penis to help prevent blood from flowing out. These devices can enhance the experience for both partners by helping the erection last, and represent a relatively inexpensive alternative to pharmacological intervention. Note that whenever you are considering using an enhancement device it’s important to consult with your medical provider to make sure it’s appropriate and safe for you.
You want to look for high-quality products designed for medical use. Once you get the pump it’s important to keep it clean and in good condition. You want to start with a clean, flaccid penis, and apply a water-based lubricant to the base for a comfortable seal. Insert your penis and begin pumping; this will draw blood down into the tissue. Once you achieve erection, slide the constriction ring down to the base of your penis to maintain it. You don’t want to wear this for more than 30 minutes. If you feel discomfort or numbness, immediately remove the ring.
Ladies, your vaginal tissue ages and needs hormones to maintain its wet and plump properties. Make sure that if you’re experiencing dryness, discomfort or lack of self-lubrication you consult your provider about hormone-replacement therapy. Without maintenance the vagina can atrophy and even tear, but have no fear, a vaginal dilator can help. You’ll want a medical-grade dilator that varies in size, starting out small and gradually increasing.
As with all sexual-enhancement devices, you want to make sure both you and it are clean. Use a water-based lubricant on the dilator before insertion, hold it in place for a few minutes and allow your vaginal muscles to adjust to the stimulation. As you become more comfortable you can increase the dilation. Don’t forget to breathe, and relax! Again, consult with a medical professional before using a dilator or Kegel ball, which can help strengthen your pelvic-floor muscles. For women who’ve experienced childbirth or trauma, these can be beneficial to overall health, including when you sneeze and suddenly need to urinate.
As we age, we get drier, trust me. Self-lubrication is not as it once was. There are silicone-based, water-based, CBD-insert and melt lubricants, oil-based, etc. It’s important to use a lubricant that works with what you’re doing. If that’s sex with a partner or an orgasm-initiating device for self-play, make sure it will work with the item. All lubricants are not created equal.
These items are designed to help keep us enjoying sex into our golden years. That includes naked cuddling, couple massages, feather play, silky sheets, candlelight. With Valentine’s Day coming up it might be time to discuss enhancing or being able to reconnect sexually. There are plenty of websites, and even local stores, with knowledgeable staff who can walk you through the different items and devices mentioned. In our area the median age is over 60, so there is greater need for these devices and services. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, celebrate your body, with all its dots, marks, wrinkles, scars, etc. It’s a part of you that is beautiful and needs connecting. As humans we need to connect.
This is Hedda Fay encouraging you to explore the available options so you can enjoy sex well into your golden years. There are healthy, affordable options to continue connecting sexually with the people you love and care about.
Hedda Fay, the Community Outreach and Program Manager of Northland Cares, answers your questions about sex and sexual health.
