Release the hounds

Jan 31, 14 • 5enses, FeatureNo Comments
President-Bruno

President Bruno. Illustration by Dale O’Dell.

By Dale O’Dell

A couple of months ago I made a big mistake: I posted a comment on someone’s political Facebook post.

Although my comment was factually correct, it led to hateful and venomous comments by trolls who insulted my parentage, demanded I leave the country, and even called for my death. It got so bad the person who’d originally made the post removed it and sent me a personal apology.

We both agreed that any more social media postings by either of us would be limited to pictures of kittens and puppies. Although it blew over without any physical violence, it really shook me up. I was still thinking about it the next day when I was out running errands in my car.

While sitting at a stoplight I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It read, “Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.” Ha! I’ve seen that one before and it’s a good goal for all of us.

Since humans have proven themselves to be absolute failures as leaders and have thoroughly and completely screwed up government, perhaps it’s time to hand it over to dogs?

How much worse could it be? Liberalism would mean extra treats. Conservatism would be conservation of energy while napping in the sun. Healthcare would mean that everybody gets to keep their veterinarian. Religion in politics would be replaced by the Rainbow Bridge. War would be unnecessary because dogs don’t hold grudges. The Supreme Court could be eliminated because dogs don’t judge. Racism would be a thing of the past because dogs don’t care if other dogs are black, white, tan, or spotted. Southern-border immigration would no longer be an issue because everybody loves Chihuahuas.

At worst, we’d replace ass kissing with ass sniffing.

America has already gone to the dogs, so we might as well try dog leadership.

Here are my nominations for America’s new generation of dog-leaders:

President: Bruno
My dog. “President Bruno” has a nice ring to it, and he’s very photogenic, which is just about all that the job demands anyway.

Vice President: Gromit
From “Wallace and Gromit.” He doesn’t speak, but would be great at rolling his eyes whenever the president did something stupid, like peeing on the Oval Office carpet.

Speaker of the House: Brian Griffin
From “Family Guy.” Brian is an intellectual and is well spoken. He’s also a time traveler and has recently come back from the dead.

Press Secretary: Ren
From “The Ren and Stimpy Show.” Ren is volatile and wouldn’t take any crap from muckraking journalists.

Secretary of State: K-9
From “Doctor Who.” K-9 is a robot and is very logical, which would be helpful in international negotiations.

Secretary of Education: Mr. Peabody
From “Rocky and Bullwinkle.” This highly educated canine holds a doctorate degree. Impressive.

Secretary of Transportation: Scooby-Doo
From “Scooby-Doo.” Have you seen him run?

Secretary of Defense: Underdog
From “Underdog.” Seriously, who better?

Homeland Security Secretary: Deputy Dawg
From “Deputy Dawg.” He has a lot of law enforcement experience.

NASA Administrator: Astro
From “The Jetsons.” He’s got first-paw experience in outer space.

*****

Dale O’Dell is an author, photographer, digital artist, and Prescott resident. As an artist, he’s known as a surrealist which is an oddly appropriate occupation for one well-versed in ufology and the paranormal. His artwork can be seen at Van Gogh’s Ear Gallery and at DalePhoto.Com.From “Family Guy.” Brian is an intellectual and is well spoken. He’s also a time traveler and has recently come back from the dead.

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